Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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