So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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