fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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