the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
