i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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