Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Please don't give away my fajitas
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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