Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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