i think my mom watched the whole time
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
