I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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