peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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