You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
