The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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