and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
