It's Friday. Sex?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
