Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
