ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
