he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
