2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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