I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
