just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We are two peas in an std pod
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
