this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
