I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
