hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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