i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
