:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
