Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fuck appropriateness.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
