I feel great
I just peed on a car
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
