mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
