My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
