allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
third nipple confirmed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
