we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
