that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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