I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
