I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
