When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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