Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
