Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
