i would punch a child for taco bell
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
