the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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