If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
