he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
