well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your penis caused this!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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