he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
