After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
