You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
