if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
