how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
