Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
