i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
did i just pee glitter
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
