brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
