you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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