If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
