As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
