I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
