Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
