it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
