You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
