I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
